My Best friend Suicided?

About a week ago i was on Second Life ( virtual game) and she said she would no longer be signing in,and that we would meet again in the other world.I thought maybe she was going through a rough time ( she had been raped ),and it was temporary.No one was able to get in contact with her.I comforted myself by picturing her on a vacation in Canada having fun and being strong.Today we found out she suicided..Ive been crying all day...I have to hide it from my parents or they'll put me in military school because since i got arrested and send to therapy my life has been a mess and im a shame in their lives.I dont have anyone..my parents are obviously out of the question,i cant cope with the pain..I pray that the Lord has her in a happy place,pain free..I Always thought about suicide..But after the pain of her death,it will never cross my mind.I just feel horrible..Where was i? When she ended it all? I wish i could hug her and tell her to be strong,i tried to help her so much...I feel i was of no use...How can i cope with this? Please answer if you've experienced something similar or something of the sort,if your gonna tell me to get professional help lay off because that doesn't help me at all!