How do I get away with leaving military service off of my resume?

Is there any way that I can, in an ethically or legal sense, leave my Marine Corps time OFF of my resume. I am trying to avoid veteran discrimination that IS pretty prevalent out there. Not only that, but the degree that I am currently working on has ZERO to do with what I did in the Marine Corps and, as such, I feel that putting the five years of my life that I wasted in the Marine Corps will be detrimental with respect to me getting a job. By the way, I am NOT looking to get hired by some defense contractor and am NOT looking to become a cop like 99% of former Marines try to do. I just want to be a NORMAL person who works at a NORMAL job. One last thing, it should be known that the Marine Corps is NOT helping to pay for my college education, but the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs is actually paying for it. Actually, the Dept. of Veterans Affairs pays ALL veterans benefits and the individual service branches pay zilch/zero. Morever, every branch BUT the Marine Corps has more to offer than the Marine Corps in terms of benefits. I'm just adding this to my question in order to educate some of you folks because a person who goes to college directly after high school has exponentially higher odds of getting a job than does someone who enlists in the Marine Corps, gets out, and then tries to get a decent paying job. I know all of this because I have and am living it as we speak and don't want others to suffer the same fate as I have.